My Subtitle Needs Upgrading

It's been nearly a year since my last post and this first post of the year feels like it may be a confessional. Forgive me readers for I have...stumbled.

This past year has been difficult. I was doing really well with maintaining my weight loss until I started graduate school, and then, I gained 10 pounds. Then my papa died and I gained 15 more. I had just started to lose some of what I had gained when my boyfriend of 2 years and I parted ways just in time for the holidays :(. At 5'2" I now weigh 161 pounds.

So, here I am world! Overweight again. The trials and tribulations that have taken place over the last 6 months have helped me to realize that my subtitle is highly inaccurate. There is no LAST JOURNEY for a person who suffers from food addictions. It is a lifelong battle, but it's one that I am willing to fight. I have been anorexic, I have been bulimic, I have been/am a compulsive over-eater, but I want to be healthy. I will be healthy.

It got to the point a couple of weeks ago where I was so disgusted with myself and guilty after a day-long binge, I had a relapse. That happened a couple of times that week, but hasn't happened since. Now that I live alone, I have to try to figure out how to prevent myself from overeating and binge eating. In the past, I have always lived with people and their presence would always prevent me from overeating because the amounts I sneak in are embarrassing. I used to overeat when no one was around, but these days, that condition exists almost always!

So, what am I going to do about it? I'm not really the kind of person that can complain about something incessantly without doing something about it. Constant complaining without action annoys me when anyone does it.

What I've done so far:

• I stocked up on healthy foods and low cal snacks because I am a snacker! The heavier, unhealthy foods are depleted--I'm not replacing them.
• I made homemade chicken noodle soup with 99% fat free broth, lean chicken, and whole grain noodles.
• I made a hot playlist on playlist.com that I linked to on my Facebook page.
• I ACTUALLY GOT ON MY ELLIPTICAL yesterday and did a circuit routine for about 45 minutes.
• I started writing about my relationship with food again.

This last item is probably one of the most important things for me and hopefully I get some of my readers back. I haven't gone to Weight Watchers(WW) since summer because I can't afford it. Even though I am a lifetime member, because I am overweight, I would have to pay. $12 is just too much! But WW meetings was where I got a lot of my support and I thrived within the cognitive behavioral framework.

Even though I am in graduate school and work, I am going to try and fit in blogging whenever possible. My hope is that it can be a coping skill where I can unload here, instead of loading my body with food.