Monday, June 29, 2009

So Thankful!

I want to thank you all! Without you and your constant support and kind praise, this moment of triumph wouldn't feel nearly as good. Really, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Family, friends, past and present co-workers, and the SMC community have all contributed to the depth of my current joy.

For those who have never physically met me, today marks the day that I have lost over 50 pounds. I can't even begin to tell you how HUGE this is for me. 10 years ago, food was my worst enemy; every morsel I put into my mouth repulsed me because, in a way, my very self repulsed me. Food was my weakness and I hated weaknesses. 

10 years ago, I was a given a choice. Eat or die. Have a tube shoved down your throat or die. I was not allowed to take gym class in 9th grade under doctor's orders. They feared my body was eating slowly at the strongest muscle in my body and I would have a heart attack. I was told to stop running, but I couldn't. I was told to eat, but I couldn't. As much as hearing my mother cry through the small wall that separated our bedrooms killed me, all I could do was pretend to eat by taking meals in my room and throwing away the "eaten food" into my trash can. I apologize if this is too graphic for your stomach in advance, but if forced to eat with the family, I would either go for a run and purge in the woods, purge in the shower, or purge in my room with my music blasting. There was no end to my lies and sneakiness about food. That is, until my grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer (and all the other cancers she got from having pancreatic cancer). When she was close to passing on she talked to all of my aunts and uncles separately, but she also talked to me, the oldest grandchild. Her dying wish of me was to get better. So I did. I reverted back to straight bulimia for a while, but eventually I ate and kept it down with a random purge once in a blue moon during a difficult time. 

The weight started piling on. I'd diet, then go back to old eating habits. I'd try another diet and it would work for a while, but I always went back to my normal eating patterns; eating massive amounts some days and very little on others with almost no attention paid to the nutritional value of each meal or snack. Eventually I ate for comfort in the same way that I used to starve myself or purge for control.  I still wasn't paying attention to emotions. It's taken me ten years to listen to myself and to start loving myself again, but I'm finally here. 

I may not be at my goal weight. I may not always exercise. I have been struggling recently with body image distortion, but I have noticed it and am working on it. Maybe it's the perfectionist in me :). However, I have gained something I've never had. I've always been a "love slut". I'd stay by anyone's side if they'll just love me because I never could value or respect myself. 

I've mentioned before that I approached Weight Watchers as an exercise in respecting my body and myself as a whole. I preferred this because it was better than looking at it from a restrictive, food-based angle. I feel like I am there and that my grandmother's wish has been fulfilled. All along on this very long journey, I have felt her presence. In a way, she has made it known. My grandmother was the first person to ever call me Miss Meg (the nickname I carry on my blog). Since she passed away, over a dozen people have called me Miss Meg on various occasions. It may sound odd to some, but every time someone calls me by that nickname, I feel her presence and it is a motivational comfort. 

This war is not over, but several battles have been won. Thanks again to all for everything you've done.

With Love,
Miss Meg

Sunday, June 28, 2009

After Photo!

I've had a lot of here it is!

Last Week

Last week I weighed in with a respectable weight-loss of 1.8 pounds. I haven't posted because I wanted to refrain from complaining about that. I missed the 50 pound weight-loss mark by 0.2! I 
was very annoyed to say the least. I did stay somewhat positive. I went to JC Penney with my brand new associate discount card (thanks Mom!) and bought myself a cute dress (size 6) to wear when I weigh in tomorrow 50 pounds lighter than when I first started WW. 

Later on today, I will be posting a new "after" photo. 


This is a picture of me in 2008 at my largest. I believe I was right around 215 pounds in this photo.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Working it out

Exercise is going pretty well this week. Yesterday I worked up quite a sweat before work using my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD. I decided I wanted to bump it up to level 2. I needed to shower and get to work, so I didn't finish it or even get to cool down. My entire body was shaking and I was still so "high" from the workout that ended up falling out of the shower, bruising my hip a bit.

In the end, it was worth it because I realized that I can do push-ups now. I don't think I've ever been able to do more than 2 in a row.

I've exercised every other day this week and I'm really amped about it. This is the most active I've been in years and it feels so good! I'm more energized throughout my day and it's been easier to get out of bed in the morning, so it seems that my quality of sleep has improved. I feel like I'm finally getting on the exercise train. Even just from a few days of activity I am seeing physical and physiological changes. I am liking this :)

Personal Portobello "Pizza"

This picture does not pick up on the colors in this dish at all. It was much more colorful in real life. I found a similar recipe in a Biggest Loser-themed Prevention magazine extra, but I changed some things. This is how I made it:

1 large portobello mushroom cap
1/4 c. pizza sauce
1/4 c. nonfat mozzarella
1 clove chopped garlic
1 T chopped red onion
1/2 chopped tomatillo
1/2 link lean Italian turkey sausage (cooked, drained, and crumbled)
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp cilantro

Cook sausage over medium heat. Add red pepper, tomatillo, cilantro, onions, and garlic. Cook until onions are transluscent and garlic is golden brown. Preheat oven to 350. Rinse and wipe mushroom clean of dirt. Place on baking sheet, stem side up. Spoon sauce over cap. Sprinkle with cheese and sausage mix. Cook 6 to 8 minutes.

Servings: 1 per serving: 162 calories, 5 g fat, 3 g fiber


I really liked the idea of using a portobello instead of the bread and it tasted delicious. You could do a meatless version for 70 less calories that would only have 1 gram of fat. I added the red pepper and cilantro to suit my tastes. I love spicy food! I bet a "Greek Pizza" version would be very good as well.

Eating at a Table

There's something about eating at a table that just makes dinner more satisfying whether you're eating your mothers best dish or a low cal spread. I don't often make it to the dinner table, but when I do it's a pleasant experience; I eat more slowly and enjoy the various flavors in my meal. One thing that I never do, even if I'm busy, is eat a TV dinner straight out of the container. Plate it! Plate it! Plate it! Add some more veggies and fill that plate right up. When I am in a hurry to eat and don't have time to cook, I like to take a SmartOnes lasagna florentine or similar dish and plate it with french cut green beans and a serving of FiberOne cottage cheese.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

TofuBerry Smoothie

After working a 9-hour day sandwhiched by 2, 6 mile bike rides, I needed something to fuel me up. I've read a lot lately about the importance of eating after a workout to keep your metabolism revved. Earlier this week, I saw a recipe for a smoothie using silken tofu in a magazine or cookbook, but I couldn't find it. This is a WW friendly version that I threw together after perusing the internet for basic smoothie ideas:
TofuBerry Smoothie POINTS VALUE: 2
1/4 c. silken tofu
1/4 c. nonfat plain yogurt
1/2 banana
1 c. mixed berries or fruit of choice
2 T soymilk (I used light chocolate soy)
2c. Trop 50 (light OJ)
1T splenda
Serve over ice in a tall glass
Make 3 Servings

I did it!

Just wanted to let you know that I DID ride my bike to and from work today! Believe me, there was an inner struggle going on this morning. I was still lying in bed this morning at 9:10 am (I was going to get up at 8) after resetting my alarm twice and pressing snooze once. Does this sound familiar Jo? All I could think about was how nice it would be to sleep in until 10 and just take the car...

In the end I remembered that I had blogged about it before I went to bed and promised I would ride my bike. Also, it's supposed to rain every day for the next week just about, so I might as well take advantage of the weather because who knows when I'll have another opportunity to do this.

I feel that I really accomplished something today :)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Trying to find motivation!

I said I was going to go to the gym today, but I'll tell you right now...that didn't happen. For one, I don't have a membership to a gym; I would have to pay $7 a day because I can't afford a full membership. So, after deciding I was too broke to shell out the 7 bucks, I convinced myself that I was going to go for a walk/run in my boyfriend's neighborhood, but then I decided I wanted to head back home to make headway on moving and then go for a bike ride later. I started to work on the moving until I got invited to go to bingo, so here I am at 11:21 pm trying to find the motivation to do SOMETHING...ANYTHING. Tomorrow I work at 11, but I was thinking I'd ride my bike. I'm afraid I won't do it, so here I am telling you my plan. I am going to get ready for bed now and then in the morning I will ride my bike to work. I promise! I don't want to have to pay at the scale. Right now I am past the half-way point in getting to my goal. These last pounds are going to be the hardest, so I need to do this. I wish there was someone who could nag me and really push me. If I could afford it, I would pay for a personal trainer to kick my bum. In the meantime, I suppose I'll have to dig deep for motivation.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Clothes Galore!

This weekend I stopped in my hometown briefly where I had a walk-in closet full of old clothes that I'd completely forgotten about! Some of the stuff I don't find to be age appropriate, but even still, a lot of clothing just re-entered my wardrobe. Before I had one swimsuit that was huge on me, but now I can throw that away because I found 4 more that actually fit! I am up to my ears in tops, skirts, jeans, dresses, and skirts... is it Christmas already? 

This feels so good. For once, when I was home I actually hoped that someone from my high school would see me.


This week I lost 1.4 pounds...I'll take it gladly! At this stage, with only 3o or so stubborn pounds left, every small loss is a step in the right direction. I am looking forward to celebrating the loss of 50 pounds. 2 more pounds! I don't necessarily plan on hitting it next week, though I plan on hitting that milestone by the 29th at the latest. 

This week I actually exercised 3 times! I am most definitely dedicated to keeping this up. I already started this new week by exercising this afternoon to my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD and tomorrow I plan on going to the gym. My WW leader implemented the optiona use of activity cards to keep us slackers on track with exercise. Every time you complete 15 minutes of activity, you cross it off and when you've done that 80 times, you get a prize. 

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Activity Points

So far this week I have exercised twice and both times I was inspired by the Biggest Loser.

The other day I began to bring more boxes into my new apartment and I started thinking, "Hey, this can be counted as exercise." Even still, I decided to kick it up a notch into a Biggest Loser-style moving challenge (against myself). I grabbed a box from the garage and either walked it, ran it, or jogged it to my apartment door depending on the weight and dimensions. Once the box was down, I pivoted and sprinted back to the garage. I did this until most of my boxes were out of the garage and I was quite sweaty.

This morning after having gone to bed at 4am since I worked til 1, I actually popped out of bed at 11 wanting to go for a walk. I tried to find a route around the bf's neighborhood that didn't include a main road, but to no avail. I had only walked for about 10 minutes and was planning on calling it a day when I walked by the park and saw these steps:

I remembered all the times they ran stadium stairs on the BL and decided I could do it too. I went up and down these bad boys 5 times, then I did tricep dips off the play set and squats by the benches. I turned my lame 10 minute workout into a 30 minute sweatfest and I feel fantastic! I'm proud of myself right now.

A New Decade

Monday was weigh-in day and I lost 3 pounds! I am ecstatic. It has taken me 5 weeks to lose this last 5 pounds, but I did it. I have lost a total of 46.6. Oh yeah baby! I am officially in the 150's for the first time since senior year of high school. In other words, I haven't been this thin in 6 years!! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. 

The last two weeks were hard, having had a gain and no losses, but I got through them. One thing that kept me going was a text I got from my boyfriend. He told me that every weigh-in for me is a battle, but I am still winning the overall war, so there's no need to get caught up in the little battles.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Excuses Excuses

When it comes to exercise, I never seem to run out of excuses not to get off my butt. Last night while watching the disappointing game 2 of the NBA finals, I caught a snippet of a commercial where someone said, "Of course you're plateauing, you're not doing anything!" Were they talking to me? It almost seemed like a personal message from Jillian Michael's. LOL.

Honestly, I haven't earned any activity points this entire week. It's so hard for me to find the motivation sometimes because I run around on concrete for 9 hours straight, five days a week. When I get out of work, the last thing I want to do is be active. So then one might say I should get up earlier in the morning to exercise. That sounds fine and dandy, but I do not work a 9-5. Sometimes my shifts are less than 9 hours apart because for my position they require ANYTIME availability. 

Today is weigh-in day and I know that I lost this past week, but today starts a new week and I really want to focus on exercise. I don't know what it takes to get me going. Maybe a challenge or competition of some sort. I perused the message boards on the WW website, but everybody was so active it depressed me.

I've lost all this weight, but I really want a healthy and lean body. I know I have to exercise to get it. Help?

Monday, June 1, 2009


Apparently, for me, meetings are key. On Memorial Day Weight Watchers was closed, so today is going to be my first meeting in 2 weeks and I am most certain that I have not lost. Its more likely that I gained several ounces. I used most of my bonus points and was not very active. Plus, its not so much about how much I ate as it is WHAT I ate. Friday was my boyfriend's birthday, so I made him a cake; vanilla with coconut frosting. Normally, this would not be a threat to my plan and progress since I don't like cake; however, I made this cake from scratch and it was delicious! I set my limit in advance that I would enjoy one piece with my boyfriend on his birthday only. piece turned into 1.5 that day, one the next, and two bites the next. Plus, the night of his birthday we went out for Thai (the leftovers made 2 more meals). Luckily for me, he finished the cake yesterday, so I
can now get back to the program. I have a few big milestones and goals I want to reach, so it's time to pick up the slack.

This week I really missed having meeting. It seems that the accountability and support I get from meetings makes a big difference for me.