Gearing up for Holiday Chaos & The Skinny on Fiber

My Weight Watcher meeting leader has been having us pass in our *completed* trackers every week through the holiday season for a raffle. Along with continued blogging, that has really kept me on track with my nutritional and fitness goals throughout maintenance. Today I was looking at this weeks tracker and noticed that I've been filling up the page every day without going over my daily POINTS target as compared to the last two weeks when I might have only filled half a page.

Not only does it look good on paper, but I feel great. Snacking and having small meals more often has kept my hunger at an even keel and the constant tracking has spiked my vigilance to adhering to the good health guides and incorporating many filling foods. Many of the foods I eat are full of fiber, but are all those high-fiber products worth the extra dough?

This morning I was confused when trying to figure out the points in my coffee because I used Splenda with fiber along with 2 PONTS worth of creamer. I went on the internet in search of an answer and found that no, the sweetener with fiber does not reduce the point value of my coffee. The reasons for that answer have caused me to be hungry for more info.

Look back soon for "The Skinny on Fiber"

Weigh-In/goal change

This past week was week 3 of maintenance and I am doing just fine. I gained a bit last week, lost a couple this week. I'm trying to figure out my body and balance things out. Yet, as I wrote before, I am still not sure what my goal really is even though I have met the goal I set at Weight Watchers. I don't want to be too thin, yet I want to be lean and fit. I still feel I have a few pounds to lose, but definitely not many! Long story short...I have decided to move my goal to the 125-ish range. I am very short, only 5'1", and this is right in the middle of the healthy weight range listed for my height. I have lost all of this weight largely by making healthy food choices and with minimal exercise. Now it's time to become fit and be the healthiest me I can be.

Thanksgiving Battle Plan

This Thanksgiving I am going to:

1.) Eat off of a smaller plate

2.) Eat slooooowwwwllly- because I do have a tendency to inhale my food at an astonishing rate

3.) Drink lots of water

4.) Have a filling breakfast- oatmeal perhaps, with a sprinkling of pecans or walnuts for crunch

5.) Go wogging with my boyfriend and anyone else who'd like to join- currently we're looking at 53 degrees and partly cloudy :)

Activity plan B is to watch a Christmas movie while using using exercise equipment

Activity plan C is to sneak off and do a workout DVD

What I want and plan to eat/drink:

Turkey (white meat only, no skin)

Miracle Mashies (recipe here)

Stuffing

Lots of veggies

Berry Pie with splenda

Sangria (with cognac and fresh fruit)

Thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without a second helping of dessert, so I plan to make some fat free, sugar free chocolate pudding to have with fat free reddi-whip (YUM)

Yellow light food: black olives. Every year I eat an entire can, but this year I will have a serving (or 2)

A failure to plan is a plan for failure

Trying to Maintain

Maintenance is as much of a battle as I thought it would be, maybe even bigger. These past couple of weeks I find myself constantly putting things mindlessly into my mouth with not so much as a second thought to whether or not I am hungry. Earlier this week I ended up devouring half a jar of salsa con queso...not the small jar, but the big one. That combined with the salt-covered tortilla chips at 3 points per ounce, was quite an expensive snack point-wise.

Not having a number-related goal has been difficult to get used to. I tried to set an activity goal instead, but I still have been unable to motivate myself to move. I am less active with each passing week and it's so frustrating because I want to be fit, I want to be truly healthy, and I want to keep this weight off, but I just can't seem to get off of the couch. I say everyday that things are going to change right now, but I always push it off until tomorrow, then the next day, and so it goes.

I can't stress how important it is for me to journal, if I did not write things down and hold myself accountable on paper for the things I eat, I would never have lost these 70 pounds. However, since making goal I notice that I'm saying more and more, "I'll write it down later", and I do, but I end up eating more points than anticipated.

On top of it all, this time of year is so hard for me. It was right after Thanksgiving that I lost my grandmother almost ten years ago at the peak of my anorexia/bulimia. It's hard to believe so much time has passed without her in my life. I miss her every day. She is the reason I am alive today. Before she passed away of pancreatic cancer she asked me to eat again and get better. She believed that I was meant to be around to touch peoples lives in a very special way, maybe it was the morphine talking... but here I am anyway, trying to be the healthiest person I can be. I am still working at it. I'm not perfect and never will be.

I think she said "Hi" to me the other day. I was accepting a delivery and randomly the truck-driver whom I had never met called me Miss Meg. I love it when that happens. In my darkest, coldest moments, it's like a ray of warm sunshine on my face.

Goal and New Goals

This Monday I made my Weight Watchers goal! In 42 weeks I went from 204 pounds and a size 15/16 to 134 pounds and a size 4 (5/6 juniors). BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THE NUMBERS. This is the first time that I have ever lost weight the right way. Sure, I tried other fad diets, but I feel they always pushed me to some extreme and never taught me how to eat like a "normal" person. I had to try so hard not to cry at my meeting. Everyone was so supportive and happy for me. This journey has been and continues to be an emotional one. I've definitely come a loooong way in the last ten years.

I plan to continue on with the Weight Watchers plan and my goal is to be more active. Specifically, I would like to exercise for 15 minutes a day, 3 days a week. Believe it or not, that is more than my current level of activity. Once I achieve that, I would like to move to 20 minutes/3days. Then 20 minutes 5 days, in small steps, until I am exercising at least 30 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week.

I've even been having exercise dreams lately. Mostly I have dreams of running and they are completely unrealistic visions of me running effortlessly. So, this morning I went running because the sun was shining and I thought it would be a nice way to pass some time. I jogged for a grand total of 10 minutes (maybe even less) and thought my lungs were going to explode. I definitely need to do this in stages! For having lost all this weight, I'm honestly not all that fit, and in order to be successful long term I really should be.

Sooooooo Close! Or am I?

This week I lost 1.6 and so I am only 1.4 pounds away from my goal weight!!! If it doesn't happen next week, I'll still be happy.

Honestly, now that I'm close to my goal weight, I feel that I would be more comfortable in the 125-130 range. For the past few weeks I've been tempted not to share that with my loved ones and friends because I've been getting a lot of comments on how I'm getting so thin, maybe too thin. I don't see it and I also don't believe body image distortion is to blame. I posted on a Weight Watchers message board about this and the general concensus was that people who are overweight or have many overweight friends or family tend to be the first ones who will judge someone in a HEALTHY weight range as too thin. Ultimately, this is my choice.

I will get to 135 as my goal for Weight Watchers, but then it is my personal goal to become more fit and active through exercise as I have been inconsistent about including extra activity in my day. I will continue to follow the maintenance program of WW, but will also monitor my hunger levels and avoid overeating. If while living an active lifestyle, my weight continues to drop to the 125-130 range, then it will be because that is what I am meant to weigh at my healthiest. I don't think I should be chastised by my loved ones for wanting to be as healthy as I can be.

Week 41 in review

I have now been following Weight Watchers for 41 weeks. This week I focused on getting back on track and tried to make sure that each day I ate fruits and vegetables, dairy, lean protein and whole grains. I really cut back on processed foods and ate more home-made meals, so that I could control what went into them. Since I didn't exercise, I'm not expecting a huge drop, but maybe in two to three weeks I'll be at goal.

My goal tomorrow is to go wogging (walk/jogging) tomorrow, weather permitting.

My McFaves

Fast food does not have to be off limits to those trying to eat healthier or lose weight. I'm an assistant manager at a McDonald's ®. I eat 1 meal a day there, 5 days a week, and have still managed to lose 66 pounds in 11 months. I'm not paid by McDonald's® to write this, but I wanted to share my knowledge about how to master the F-words (Fast Food). Many customers placing their orders with me have shared that they are trying to make healthy decisions about what they eat, but then sigh and say that it's not possible to do so when standing at a register at a fast food restaurant. I will tell you all as I tell them... if it's not possible, then I would still weigh 215 or more pounds today.

Here's what I eat at McD's:

Broccoli Cheese Soup- 4 POINTS

Side Salad with a Honey Mustard sauce instead of dressing- 1 POINT

Southwest Salad no chicken- 2 POINTS (6 with grilled chicken)

-when I have it with the southwest dressing, I only use half the package or less because the glaze has a great flavor.

Bacon Ranch salad- 3 POINTS (6 with grilled chicken, 8 also with 1/2 packet ranch dressing or substitute a lowfat dressing like balsamic vinaigrette)

Small or Medium iced, nonfat, sugar free vanilla latte- 1 POINT

Small hot, nonfat, sugar free vanilla cappuccino- 1 POINT

Miss Meg's Veggie Snack Wrap (not a real menu item). A snack wrap without chicken, ONLY extra lettuce with red onions, crinkle cut pickles and tomato paired with a Chipotle BBQ or Honey Mustard dipping sauce on the side- 3 POINTS

Small Fruit & Walnut Salad- 4 POINTS

Yogurt Parfait- 3 POINTS

Vanilla Cone - 3 POINTS

Baby Cone- 1 POINT

Small Fry- 5 POINTS (I only order these once a week and ask for them without salt to ensure they are right out of the vat because if I'm splurging, I want them as crispy as possible)

Any grilled snack wrap- 6 POINTS

Apple Dippers (without caramel)- 1 POINT

Hamburger- 5 POINTS

I mix and match these choices 5 days a week on my lunch break without guilt, but I do not like to eat breakfast there! There are very few healthy options for breakfast. When I know I'm getting a breakfast break, I always bring my own to ensure I'm getting whole grains and proper nutrition to keep me fueled for the rest of my day. In a jam, I will get a folded egg and two pieces of candian-style bacon for 3 POINTS, but a breakfast like that won't last long, so I bring supplements. You could try an egg mcmuffin without cheese or liquid margarine for 5 POINTS; however, tweaking the McD's breakfast menu generally leaves me with a dry, bland alternative. When I embarked on this journey, I swore up and down that I would never sacrifice flavor for fewer calories, so I avoid the breakfast menu like the plague. There is no way I will eat the breakfast menu items as they are and eating the modifications (bland food), only fuels my cravings for "the good stuff".

Eating Healthy on a Budget

Eating healthy can be very expensive, but it doesn't have to be...it shouldn't be! Half of my salary goes to student loans, so I get the most out of every dollar. These are some of the things I do.

1. Clip coupons!
a. I will ONLY buy a Sunday paper if the VALUE of HEALTHY food coupons exceeds the cost of the paper. If the paper contains many eligible coupons, I will buy more than one. I also buy other Sunday papers using the same guidelines to get the best deals. In my town, I have to get to the grocery store customer service counter at 8am on the dot, Sunday morning, in order to get the oh-so-coveted newspaper The Record.
b. Clip online. I do use Coupon.com, but I prefer Afullcup.com where I can search for printable coupons for the brands I want.

2. Watch Sales
a. Scan supermarket flyers and make your grocery list using them as a baseline. If the sales (and/or paper coupons) are crappy that week, I will only buy enough to get me by.
b. Combine supermarket sales with coupons. I search afullcup.com for items I know are on sale.
c. Buy seasonal fruits and veggies. Visit farmstands. Freezing berries bought buy one get one free with the freezer bags you only ended up paying 25 cents a box for ends up being much cheaper than hitting up the frozen fruit section.

3. Don't go hungry! I carry almonds in my purse for such occasions.

4. Measure your portions! This has saved me an amazing amount of money. I bought Jennie-O Turkey Ham buy one get one free, froze one and I've been using the other for countless meals. I like to measure my food in grams because I tend to be more liberal when going by cups, chips, slices, et cetera. When you're not eating more than you need to, it just follows that your food will last you much longer.

5. Don't buy more than you need. Try to plan at least a few meals. Know what you'll be eating. I hate throwing food away and it can be quite tempting to eat more than you might have planned because you don't want to see something go bad. This happened to me a lot with lettuce. I'm not big on salads, but I know I should eat them, so I used to always buy lettuce at the grocery store and every week I'd be tossing it in the garbage can. Now I either plan it into a meal (although I might change my mind) or I don't buy it.

6. Get creative! Try new recipes using food in your fridge and cabinets. I like allrecipes.com because it allows you to search for a recipe using ingredients you have on hand and you can always health-ify them.

7. Eating out! Although I can't remember the last time I paid for a breakfast, lunch or dinner out (sorry honey), I try to help save us some money by using coupons from newspapers, mailings, or the phonebook.

I'm sure there are others that I'm either not aware of or don't put into practice. Share your tips if you like :). I was inspired to do this when cooking dinner tonight. YUMMmmm. A deliciously cheap, 300 calorie black bean quesadilla.

Three Pounds to Go

Tonight I weighed in at 138 pounds. Miraculously, I lost a pound, despite a couple of mini binges earlier in the week. I could have been even closer to goal had I stayed on plan. This week I am recommitting to plan 150%. Tonight I splurged on a blondie and though I only ended up dipping into my reserve points a tiny bit, it's good health guidelines and filling foods from here on out. In the end, I didn't feel that the blondie was worth the extra points. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious, but all the sugar and butter sat in my stomach for hours, making me feel quite disgusting. I'm so close to goal and it scares me. I've been able to master losing weight before. That's always been the easy part, but am I ready to finally keep it off?

Confessions of a Snackaholic

While devouring several frosted spice cake rounds, I realized that I don't share my failures nearly as much as my successes. Believe me, this is not because I think I'm all that great, I still have self-esteem issues that I'm working through. I have shared the hurdles I've had with exercise, but I've been rather secretive these last 9 months about my food related ups and downs.

Sometimes I just snap. Lately, I feel as if I've been slipping back into my old maladaptive eating habits. Though it's on a much smaller scale, I'm still concerned. I've been over-snacking and mini-bingeing. Chips and salsa, hummus and pita chips, ice cream, and popcorn are all examples of foods that can throw me over the edge if I'm not careful. I have to be very mindful when consuming these things because I am....a snackaholic. In front of others, I am generally able to show some restraint, but when alone the portions are more likely to spiral out of control.

Tonight I was able to stop myself from a full out binge. I got home knowing I had 2 points left for the night. I was planning on using them for a single severing bag of pizza flavored pretzels, but then I noticed not 1, not 2, but THREE!!! containers of frosted spice cake rounds on the breakfast nook table. I say rounds because they were the thickness of a cookie and texture of cake, but that doesn't matter; all you need to know is that they were delicious and disarming creations of a butter-crazed demon (my mother). And so it went that I consumed the pretzels, the spice cake, a serving of deli turkey, and 5 wheat thin flatbreads with WW cream cheese. I almost ate more. I wanted the left over orzo, ice cream, cottage cheese, and peaches. After stopping to assess my hunger level, I knew I had to stop. I didn't want to, but I was able to overcome my urges.

I haven't really shared this before. I feel a lot of shame around not being able to control my eating. It feels really good when I can say that I ate exactly what I should have for the day and not a morsel more, but I'm just not perfect. I can't always trust myself with food and that is why I'm learning how to deal with that reality. In the past people have tried to help me with my portions by questioning my habits which only increases my shame and feelings of being out of control.

The past couple of weeks it has been my goal to curb my snacking. I wrote down a bunch of activities that make me feel in control and positive on little slips of paper. Each time I feel like snacking when I'm not hungry, I want to pick an activity out of the jar that will make me feel better than the food does.

I want to be successful in the long-term this time. I will be successful. I can change this.

Back! 65 pounds lighter.

Hello hello. Yes, I know it's been a while, but here I am again to bare my soul. Last week was my birthday and I was busy spending time with loved ones and doing absolutely nothing whenever possible. Leading up to my birthday, I worked ten days straight, so I didn't have the time to play on the internet.

Who am I kidding?! I've been losing focus and getting bored with my weight-loss journey. These last pounds are annoying. I wish they'd just go away. If it was up to me, I wouldn't lose any more weight, but the Weight Watchers rule is that I have to maintain a weight of no more than 137 pounds in order to achieve lifetime membership and attend meetings free of charge. I'm a size 4! It's ridiculous that I'm still considered overweight to WW, the National Institute of Health, the fashion industry and others.

My new goal (other than to get to goal) is to tone. I would really like to become more fit and active.

Today I weighed in and I have lost 65 pounds since I started WW and I just cracked the 130's!!!!

Lose For Good Campaign

TODAY ONLY!

Weight Watchers is donating $1 ($25,000 max) to Share Our Strength and Action Against Hunger for every mention of the Lose for Good Campaign on blogs, facebook, Twitter, and MySpace.

Help me spread the word!

What's your goal for the duration of the Lose For Good Campaign? I hope to lose an average of 1 pound per week and earn 5o AP by October 17th.

5 Pounds to GO!!

Tonight was my first weigh-in in two weeks due to Labor Day and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I've lost 3.2 pounds! I currently weigh 140.2 pounds. Today I also raised my goal weight because I don't want to lose much more weight.

Is anyone else excited for The Biggest Loser to start again tomorrow night?!!

Tomorrow I have a manager's meeting I have to go to for an hour. I've decided to bike to and from.

My apologies for the truncated post, but I have some things to attend to.

Check in

Things have been better and my mood has improved somewhat. I took the advice of one of my new blog buddies and increased my exercise. To get motivated I joined a challenge on Weight Watchers eTools to earn 100 AP's by Halloween. This week I earned 9 AP's in 4 days, but I definitely paid for it. Only a month ago I was a 34DD and now I am a 36B/34C (*sigh*). They always say that your breasts are the first thing to go when you're losing weight, so I was convinced after losing 60 pounds that I was going to be able to keep them. I was rather attached to that fatty tissue...

Tomorrow is my weigh-in. Hopefully I've lost a couple of pounds. This will be my first loss in 3 weeks. I didn't have a Weight Watchers meeting last week and I missed it :(. I look forward to going every week and socializing with my friends there. These days I get odd looks from newer members, but I still know that I belong; we are all there for the same reason. The weight is falling off slower and I need all the support available, so that I can stay focused and push through. I can't wait to hit goal and go through maintenance, so that as a lifetime member I won't have to pay $40/month anymore. I am thinking of raising my goal weight to 135 because people are wondering how much more weight I can afford to lose. I'm on the fence. When I set out, I thought a size 4 would be a good goal, but now it's not about the size. I'm a 6 (down from a size 18 at my largest) and am fairly comfortable with that.

Sometimes I do have trouble seeing the "new me". I can see it in my face when looking in the mirror, but when looking at my body alone, it still looks the same to me for the most part. There are parts that still look big, like my legs. Is this evidence of distorted body image or is this normal?

In other news:

I am currently trying to scrounge together some money to take the GRE because I have decided to bite the bullet and take on extra education debt and get a master's degree at the local state university.

A Little Down

I have been feeling off lately and it's showing on the scale. Last week I gained 1/2 of a pound. I was very active the week before (for me). I had exercised for 20 minutes, 3 different times. Last week that number fell to 2 times and this week I have yet to break a sweat. I think about exercising, but I don't.

It's hard to describe how I feel. I just want to sleep all the time, but of course I cant. It's hard to find joy in the every day. I hate my job and the fact that 47% of my income goes to student loans. I'm in a hole and it feels like I'm too deep to dig myself out.

Even though I don't have a bed and can't afford groceries, some would say at least I have my health. Right now that's just not enough.

I need something good to happen. I really, really need it. Unfortunately, everything good that's happened I've had to work very hard for, so I'm hoping something good will happen that doesn't take any effort from me because I'm fed up with treading water.

I almost prayed today

Totus and Lotus

On Monday morning 2 new crea were born on our Alpaca farm. Whether or not they are twins, we are unsure of, but that would be very rare. What's more likely? 2 crea born on the same day with different mothers, or an opposite sex pair of twins with one nursing off of another pregnant alpaca?

The Weight is almost over

I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!! I'VE LOST 61.2 POUNDS!!


I am getting so close to my goal weight that I can almost taste it! 9 months ago I never would have imagined I'd weigh under 180 pounds. Apparently, at that time, I didn't know how serious I really was about getting healthy. Today I weighed in at 143! I'm down 2.4 from last week and 13 pounds away from goal. This last week I worked out 3 times for 20 minutes. This week my goal is to maintain that level of activity or increase it. I started off this morning with a workout, so I already have one session under my belt.

On the other side of things:

I'm getting a little nervous. I've gotten extremely good at losing weight in a healthy way, but pretty soon I'm going to have to maintain the weight loss, That's a scary thought! It doesn't matter if you have to lose 20 pounds, 60, or 200 because we all go through the same trials to lose each pound; the real challenge is maintenance.

30 Day Shred-Day 3

Today was my third day of semi-following the 30 Day Shred Program. Yesterday I was still mad at Jillian (scroll down to see my Jillian Michaels rant from a couple days ago), so I switched over to Bob. After going out to Koto and eating a chunk of my bonus points in shumai, I decided I needed and old-fashioned butt kicking, so I ran back to Jillian and bumped it up to level two. All I can say is, wow... it was a very high intensity, 20 minutes workout. I think I am going to go pass out. Good night!

Activity Playlist

For the past couple of weeks I have been getting into using fitness DVDs to increase my activity level, but I kept on running into a problem. The person telling me what to do was obviously trapped inside my TV and could not do a thing about whether I was following their instructions. Although it would be nice if they could, I cannot afford a personal trainer, so I found a solution. I compiled a playlist to blast while I work out along with the tiny people in my television. In all seriousness, it really helped me focus on the movements and the repetitions flew by.

Here are some songs that keep me going:

Monday Night Weigh-in

This week I lost 1.2 pounds and I'm completely ok with that. Now if I lose 1.2 more next week, I'll have lost a total of 60 pounds! This was a hard 1.2 to lose. After a couple weeks of slacking off, I really buckled down on activity and tracking this week. For next week, one of my nutrition goals is to eat less pre-packaged food. I also need to try and get in enough fluid, especially since I'm being more active.

Approximately 15 pounds til goal weight. The high end of my reccommended weight is 137 and I picked 130, which is somewhere in the middle. As I get closer to goal, I'll see how I feel in my body and maybe I will decide I want to be heavier. People have been assuming I am very close to my goal and are wondering if I will look too thin 15 pounds lighter. One lady at my WW meeting tonight joked that if I lost any more weight I'd have to put weights on my ancles. I am fairly lean and muscular already, maybe I should revise my goal???

Jillian Michaels Rant

Did anyone know that Jillian Michael's product line includes the Quickstart Rapid Weight Loss System. Made famous on NBC's hit show The Biggest Loser as a role model, health and wellness expert, and motivor, she has now bought herself sell-out status in my eyes. The woman that once inspired me to lose weight the hard way and suck it up, is now putting her name on DIET PILLS! I'm sorry, she refers to them as supplements. I really don't care if they are filled with all natural ingredients or cocaine; they are diet pills. Just because something is natural doesn't mean that it's good for you and we all know the general rule of thum when putting crap into your body: once you stop taking it, it makes it harder for your body to do it naturally.

On TV and on her website, she preaches about going the all natural and organic route. Wouldn't one think that the most natural way to lose weight is to eat well and exercise? The eye-popping ad I stumbled upon today states, "We all know that if you want to lose weight, you need to reduce your caloric intake. It sounds simple, but the truth is, if it were that easy, most of us wouldn't be overweight in the first place." Upon reading this, I became enraged. I just bought once of her DVD's! I wouldn't have purchased it had I known she endorses quick fixes for weight-loss. Sure, I will grant that eating well is NOT easy for many of us, and obviously it is a problem for those of us who have been or are overweight, but that doesn't mean we have to be the victim of food. We can take control.

Before I made the conscious decision to join Weight Watchers and take control of my health I believed that I didn't have the willpower I once had. I felt powerless. At one point I had the thought that even if I wanted to "become" anorexic again (a ludicrous thought in itself), I wouldn't have the will to stick it out. I also had fallen into the habit of blaming a sluggish metabolism. That was only a crutch. On this journey I have discovered how easy it is rev up your metabolism; all it takes is hard work, but once you get going it is, inways, a little easier.

I am very upset that this woman I looked up to has compromised her integrity by putting her name on this type of product. It contradicts many things she has said in her career...things that have inspired hundreds of thousands of people to deal with their baggage, drop their excuses, and take things into their own, capable hands.

30 Day Shred- Day 2!!

Yatta! I worked until 9 tonight, but I still earned some AP's. After getting out of work at 1:30am last night, there was no way it was going to happen this morning, so I was nervous. I should have had some more faith in myself. I CAN include activity in my life. I can do this, I can be healthy, and I should MAKE that time for myself because I deserve it. I've incorporated 2 work outs into my schedule this week. That's up from 0 over the past couple of weeks. This is a huge improvement for me.

Over the past several months, I've made a lot of excuses, but now I'm going to focus on making time.

Weigh-in is tomorrow :/. I'm a little worried. I've worked harder and tracked religiously this week. If I don't see the results, I know I'll be disappointed with the number (but still pleased with myself). I've stepped on the scale several times this week and the number hasn't budged.

I was hoping that if I worked hard I could come up with a 1-2 pound loss, but I don't think it's going to happen this week.

Involuntary Day Off

It was not my intention to skip a day, but I didn't anticipate that a 20 minute workout would make me so sore! When I woke up this morning my calves were so sore that I could hardly walk; anything that involved going on tip-toe or lunging forward was out of the question. I swear that I am not being a lazy bum!

I worked through the pain for 9 hours on concrete. I just got out of work @ 1:30am and it's now getting close to 3. Off to bed so that I can be active tomorrow before work.

30 Day Shred- Day 1

Today, or maybe I should say yesterday, I completed my first day of the 30 Day Shred DVD workouts. Overall I was happy with the workout, but next time I would like to listen to better music while doing it. More than anything, I am just happy that I did it. I almost didn't. Once again, I was SOOOO close to putting myself on the back burner, but I was vigilant. 

The day is not over yet

...but so far I have not included activity. I spent most of the afternoon walking around the mall, however. I needed to get some dress pants that fit, so that I can be well dressed at job interviews and NY&Co was having a sale on pants and jeans (buy one get one FREE!). From there I browsed the bookstore for a while, then it was off to the other side of the mall to Target where I picked up some all natural chicken breast tenders, some lunch meat, Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD, and a jump rope. I have left Target the past couple of times without stopping at Starbucks for my skinny cinnamon dolce latte, so today I indulged. After that it was off to JCPenney to spend my $10 gift that I clipped from last week's flyer. I ended up buying this casual/physical activity shirt for $2.07 out of pocket:

Of course I could leave the mall without chatting up a couple of the cell phone kiosk guys; talking about the new cellular technologies and which phones we liked best, but I finally did leave. Would you call that activity? I have some sores on my feet that would suggest it.

This morning I made the mistake of eating a pathetic breakfast. All I had was a WW yogurt. I was going to have some corn bran, but apparently I forgot when I was busy writing out interview questions. When I got home from the mall I was starving! I made a quick 3 POINT sandwich to take the edge off, but I had to eat again almost immediately. I had some haddock, brown rice, and zucchini; leftovers from a couple of days ago. I still have a dull headache from letting my blood sugar get so low, but my appetite is still not suppressed with 13 points left for the day. I close for the next two nights, so tonight I will be staying up late tonight in preparation and I want to make sure I switch over to a closing eating schedule. That is, breakfast at 11 (or when I wake up), lunch right before work at 3, and dinner whenever business slows enough for me to eat. I loathe my constantly changing schedule!

I think I might still pop in the Shred DVD. Hmmm...

Ruby! -Time to become uncomfortable

This is Ruby, a star on the Style Network. I love watching her show to gain motivation. If she can get up off of the couch, so can I. A couple of episodes ago she spoke a lot about how emotional this journey is for her, more so than she ever thought. All of her friends had trauma in their past that triggered their food addictions, but she had never seen herself as an emotional eater until recently. Ruby is buckling down by attacking her past and digging into exercise; pushing herself out of the comfort zone. 

Maybe that's how I need to approach "activity". I just read that on a message board (thanks). Someone wrote that one way to begin conquering exercise is to refer to it as activity instead. I think this type of reframing might work. Exercise, at least for me, has a negative connotation. Even when I just say the word in my head it makes me grouchy; it brings out the stubborn in me and I can't help but to dig in my heels and do something else just to spite it. 

Tomorrow is a new day. I am going to be more active, but I need HELP! Please hold me accountable. I will report back on it every day even if all I write is "I did nothing to increase my activity level today".

Couch Potato Fever

As of late, I've noticed that I've spent a lot of quality time with the couch when I am not at work because I unfortunately like watching TV. When I was growing up, that's what the adults did when they came home (along with making dinner and smoking cigarettes). It's just relaxing! Now that the average household in America has a DVR or Tivo, it's even easier to watch your favorite shows at your convenience. Some of my favorites are The Biggest Loser, Ruby, Food Network Challenge, Ace of Cakes, So You Think You Can Dance, and American Idol. Many of those shows aren't on right now, but re-runs I haven't seen are. Grrr!

Today I got home from work at 8. I went to bed somewhat on time last night so that I could get up and maybe do some yoga, but no... I also didn't exercise tonight. When I got home from work I was ravenously hungry! I ended up having a WW meal because it was too late to cook. I had the rice and beans with a cup of peas for a total of 8 points. After eating I got sucked into the Food Network for a while, but was finally able to get off of the couch. I did some cleaning/laundry/organizing. I needed to get a bin of clothes ready to sell! I have an appointment on Friday to have this consignment shop look at some of my old clothes. I'm planning on using the money from the sales to buy some new fall and winter clothing. If only they would take the wedding dress I never wore then I'd be able to get new snow tires, too!

It feels awesome to be getting rid of my old clothes. Are you kidding?! Even a few years ago the clothes I'm letting go of were considered my "skinny clothes". All these years I never knew how to eat and just made excuses, mostly blaming a sluggish metabolism, when I could have been a hot mama all along. 

Speaking of metabolism, I'm off to find some support with this whole exercise thing. I'm so sick of not exercising that I might just do it. 

Monday night weigh in

I am thankful that I did not gain this week. With less than 20 pounds left to lose, I can't really lose focus of my goals. They say that the last pounds are the hardest to shed, so its time to step it up!

This week I slacked off and the scale reflected the lack of effort. This week I will plan in exercise. I was very successful the last time I did that. The meeting will be starting soon. I will get back to this later.

I'm a bum

I had the entire weekend off and what did I do? Pretty much nothing. If it wasn't for my significant other, I would never have left the couch. I spend so much time running around on my feet at work that perhaps I felt I had to balance things out. In the past couple of days I have slept more than 24 hours and when I was not sleeping I indulged in a West Wing Marathon. The West Wing, by the way, is a witty political drama that will knock your socks off, so if you don't know what to add to your Netflix or Blockbuster queue, give it a try.

I'm wondering about weigh-in. Last week I had a 2 pound loss and I didn't track. I started the day out by tracking, but I never ended it that way. I got lucky. This week I had the same bad habit. I also indulged in some wine, lost count when popping pistachios, and had a giant slice of pizza. Even if the scale shows me I slacked off, I'm not going to get upset about it, but I will be refocusing my energy this week.

I've been very upset about work and am in need of a lifestyle change professionally. It's been getting me down. I will not lie and say I have not been doing some emotional eating because I have. 

I Pronounce Today to be...Fit Day

Today is one of two days off in a row, so I decided to hit a local gym. I can't afford a gym membership right now, but I hope to be able to get one after I reach lifetime with Weight Watchers and no longer have to pay $40/mo. 

With a day pass you can also go to any of the classes, so I planned to go to pilates in the morning and spinning in the early evening. I was REALLY nervous because I'm not that outgoing when you first meet me and I had never been to a group fitness class before. Luckily, all of my classmates were very nice, helpful, and welcoming. I had worried it would be a bit of a competition, but it wasn't like that at all. The Pilates instructor worked with me on some of the more advanced moves and made some modifications, but for the most part I was able to keep up. Spin class was demanding, but it felt great! I had never even been on a spin bike before, so the instructor went over some basics with me at the beginning and told me that his routine is challenging, but I can always modify it to suit my current physical abilities. To the surprise of everyone in the room and myself, I was right with the pack throughout the entire class. The instructor didn't believe I was a beginner by the end of the class. That felt good even though I've always had very strong legs.

Afterwards my boyfriend surprised me with Thai for dinner :). I got a Thai beef salad. It was delicious! I have no clue how many points it was, but I earned 8 AP (Activity Points) today and had 7 regular points going into dinner. I'll probably have a fudgesicle and call it a night.

What an amazing day. I wish I could afford to go to the gym more often.

Getting Active

At last week's meeting we talked about the importance of staying active and how to incorporate it into your life. I couldn't hold my tongue. I addressed the other members and asked if there was anybody in there who didn't work a 9-5, but instead had a chaotic work schedule. I finally asked for help. This is my scenario:

• I am an assistant manager at McDonald's 
  
• I work 45 hour weeks
  
• Sometimes I only have 8 hour shifts between shifts (it's nothing for me to work 4-1am, followed by 10am-7pm, then 4am-1pm)
  
• I do not have set days off
  
• Sometimes I work up to 8 days in a row
  
• When I do have more than 12 hours between shifts, I like to spend it with loved ones because I don't get to see them when my work schedule is stacked
  
• When I get out of work I am exhausted (I wore a pedometer and I walk up to 14000 steps in a 9 hour shift)
• I only get 1, 20-minute break because I am salaried

This is my situation now due to the current economy. I graduated from college magna cum laude with a double major in Psychology and English Literature and a minor in Gender Studies. I also too a few classes in Economics, but not quite enough for a minor, but here I am working at McDonald's again. Times are tough and entry-level social work pays less than my McDonald's salary. Grad school would be great, but I've already spent so much money on my education...so much that I pay a budget crippling $732/mo. for student loans. It's no wonder crime and robberies are on the rise even in simple, small communities like the one I live in now.   

Now that I have justified my occupation to you, I can continue on after one request. When or if you go into a fast food restaurant, please treat the workers with respect. Many of the managers and crew are college educated (or on the track to higher education). I can't tell you how many times I get treated like a low-class, white trash, idiot. I lost count a long time ago.

Back to Exercise!

What did the other members have to say to me? They all concurred that I need to make time for myself. My loved ones are important, but so am I! Some suggested walking while eating on my break. I am not a fan of that. I need down time at work. Others said that I should do something active during commercials if I am watching TV with people, like jumping jacks, running in place, push-ups, or crunches.

Those are some of their ideas. Please share any ideas you might have for me by commenting on this post below. Thank you!

Where did the time go?!

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. Time has flown by! A couple of weeks ago I went on a dinner cruise in Burlington with my boyfriend and about a week after that I was at the Country Club Music Festival in VT. On top of that, work has been crazy.

How am I doing? Well, 2 weeks ago I dropped below 150 pounds for the first time since junior year in high school (approx. 7 years). At the last weigh-in I gained a pound. I expected it. My activity level has plummeted and I haven't been tracking my points accurately. Plus, one day I left all my "good food" at my boyfriend's house and I didn't have anything at my mother's so I ended up going all out and having some Butter Pecan ice cream at 5 points a serving. Do you think I could stop at one serving? Oh no. I blew it that day. It was also very difficult to stay on plan at the music festival. They didn't allow any outside food, so I had to hide my almonds on the bottom of my purse. Every vendor there served crap. Lovely, tasty, crap. Pizza, Calzones, the best french fries in Vermont (Al's), burgers, and hot dogs. I found one stand ran by my favorite Burlington restaurant, Ahli Baba's Kabob shop. I ordered a vegetable curry pita for lunch, and a steak one for dinner. Even though they actually served lots of yummy veggies, I knew that thick pita was packed with points!

Oh well, that's all in the past. I am still here, almost 54 pounds lighter than I was 7 1/2 months ago and still going.  I should have kept up with exercise, but I am still working on that. 

So Thankful!

I want to thank you all! Without you and your constant support and kind praise, this moment of triumph wouldn't feel nearly as good. Really, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Family, friends, past and present co-workers, and the SMC community have all contributed to the depth of my current joy.

For those who have never physically met me, today marks the day that I have lost over 50 pounds. I can't even begin to tell you how HUGE this is for me. 10 years ago, food was my worst enemy; every morsel I put into my mouth repulsed me because, in a way, my very self repulsed me. Food was my weakness and I hated weaknesses. 

10 years ago, I was a given a choice. Eat or die. Have a tube shoved down your throat or die. I was not allowed to take gym class in 9th grade under doctor's orders. They feared my body was eating slowly at the strongest muscle in my body and I would have a heart attack. I was told to stop running, but I couldn't. I was told to eat, but I couldn't. As much as hearing my mother cry through the small wall that separated our bedrooms killed me, all I could do was pretend to eat by taking meals in my room and throwing away the "eaten food" into my trash can. I apologize if this is too graphic for your stomach in advance, but if forced to eat with the family, I would either go for a run and purge in the woods, purge in the shower, or purge in my room with my music blasting. There was no end to my lies and sneakiness about food. That is, until my grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer (and all the other cancers she got from having pancreatic cancer). When she was close to passing on she talked to all of my aunts and uncles separately, but she also talked to me, the oldest grandchild. Her dying wish of me was to get better. So I did. I reverted back to straight bulimia for a while, but eventually I ate and kept it down with a random purge once in a blue moon during a difficult time. 

The weight started piling on. I'd diet, then go back to old eating habits. I'd try another diet and it would work for a while, but I always went back to my normal eating patterns; eating massive amounts some days and very little on others with almost no attention paid to the nutritional value of each meal or snack. Eventually I ate for comfort in the same way that I used to starve myself or purge for control.  I still wasn't paying attention to emotions. It's taken me ten years to listen to myself and to start loving myself again, but I'm finally here. 

I may not be at my goal weight. I may not always exercise. I have been struggling recently with body image distortion, but I have noticed it and am working on it. Maybe it's the perfectionist in me :). However, I have gained something I've never had. I've always been a "love slut". I'd stay by anyone's side if they'll just love me because I never could value or respect myself. 

I've mentioned before that I approached Weight Watchers as an exercise in respecting my body and myself as a whole. I preferred this because it was better than looking at it from a restrictive, food-based angle. I feel like I am there and that my grandmother's wish has been fulfilled. All along on this very long journey, I have felt her presence. In a way, she has made it known. My grandmother was the first person to ever call me Miss Meg (the nickname I carry on my blog). Since she passed away, over a dozen people have called me Miss Meg on various occasions. It may sound odd to some, but every time someone calls me by that nickname, I feel her presence and it is a motivational comfort. 

This war is not over, but several battles have been won. Thanks again to all for everything you've done.

With Love,

Miss Meg

After Photo!

I've had a lot of requests...so here it is!

Last Week

Last week I weighed in with a respectable weight-loss of 1.8 pounds. I haven't posted because I wanted to refrain from complaining about that. I missed the 50 pound weight-loss mark by 0.2! I 

was very annoyed to say the least. I did stay somewhat positive. I went to JC Penney with my brand new associate discount card (thanks Mom!) and bought myself a cute dress (size 6) to wear when I weigh in tomorrow 50 pounds lighter than when I first started WW. 

Later on today, I will be posting a new "after" photo. 

Before

This is a picture of me in 2008 at my largest. I believe I was right around 215 pounds in this photo.

Working it out

Exercise is going pretty well this week. Yesterday I worked up quite a sweat before work using my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD. I decided I wanted to bump it up to level 2. I needed to shower and get to work, so I didn't finish it or even get to cool down. My entire body was shaking and I was still so "high" from the workout that ended up falling out of the shower, bruising my hip a bit.

In the end, it was worth it because I realized that I can do push-ups now. I don't think I've ever been able to do more than 2 in a row.

I've exercised every other day this week and I'm really amped about it. This is the most active I've been in years and it feels so good! I'm more energized throughout my day and it's been easier to get out of bed in the morning, so it seems that my quality of sleep has improved. I feel like I'm finally getting on the exercise train. Even just from a few days of activity I am seeing physical and physiological changes. I am liking this :)

Personal Portobello "Pizza"

This picture does not pick up on the colors in this dish at all. It was much more colorful in real life. I found a similar recipe in a Biggest Loser-themed Prevention magazine extra, but I changed some things. This is how I made it:

1 large portobello mushroom cap
1/4 c. pizza sauce
1/4 c. nonfat mozzarella
1 clove chopped garlic
1 T chopped red onion
1/2 chopped tomatillo
1/2 link lean Italian turkey sausage (cooked, drained, and crumbled)
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1 tsp cilantro

Cook sausage over medium heat. Add red pepper, tomatillo, cilantro, onions, and garlic. Cook until onions are transluscent and garlic is golden brown. Preheat oven to 350. Rinse and wipe mushroom clean of dirt. Place on baking sheet, stem side up. Spoon sauce over cap. Sprinkle with cheese and sausage mix. Cook 6 to 8 minutes.

Servings: 1 per serving: 162 calories, 5 g fat, 3 g fiber

POINTS VALUE: 3

I really liked the idea of using a portobello instead of the bread and it tasted delicious. You could do a meatless version for 70 less calories that would only have 1 gram of fat. I added the red pepper and cilantro to suit my tastes. I love spicy food! I bet a "Greek Pizza" version would be very good as well.

Eating at a Table

There's something about eating at a table that just makes dinner more satisfying whether you're eating your mothers best dish or a low cal spread. I don't often make it to the dinner table, but when I do it's a pleasant experience; I eat more slowly and enjoy the various flavors in my meal. One thing that I never do, even if I'm busy, is eat a TV dinner straight out of the container. Plate it! Plate it! Plate it! Add some more veggies and fill that plate right up. When I am in a hurry to eat and don't have time to cook, I like to take a SmartOnes lasagna florentine or similar dish and plate it with french cut green beans and a serving of FiberOne cottage cheese.

TofuBerry Smoothie

After working a 9-hour day sandwhiched by 2, 6 mile bike rides, I needed something to fuel me up. I've read a lot lately about the importance of eating after a workout to keep your metabolism revved. Earlier this week, I saw a recipe for a smoothie using silken tofu in a magazine or cookbook, but I couldn't find it. This is a WW friendly version that I threw together after perusing the internet for basic smoothie ideas:

TofuBerry Smoothie POINTS VALUE: 2

1/4 c. silken tofu

1/4 c. nonfat plain yogurt

1/2 banana

1 c. mixed berries or fruit of choice

2 T soymilk (I used light chocolate soy)

2c. Trop 50 (light OJ)

1T splenda

Serve over ice in a tall glass

Make 3 Servings

I did it!

Just wanted to let you know that I DID ride my bike to and from work today! Believe me, there was an inner struggle going on this morning. I was still lying in bed this morning at 9:10 am (I was going to get up at 8) after resetting my alarm twice and pressing snooze once. Does this sound familiar Jo? All I could think about was how nice it would be to sleep in until 10 and just take the car...

In the end I remembered that I had blogged about it before I went to bed and promised I would ride my bike. Also, it's supposed to rain every day for the next week just about, so I might as well take advantage of the weather because who knows when I'll have another opportunity to do this.

I feel that I really accomplished something today :)

Trying to find motivation!

I said I was going to go to the gym today, but I'll tell you right now...that didn't happen. For one, I don't have a membership to a gym; I would have to pay $7 a day because I can't afford a full membership. So, after deciding I was too broke to shell out the 7 bucks, I convinced myself that I was going to go for a walk/run in my boyfriend's neighborhood, but then I decided I wanted to head back home to make headway on moving and then go for a bike ride later. I started to work on the moving until I got invited to go to bingo, so here I am at 11:21 pm trying to find the motivation to do SOMETHING...ANYTHING. Tomorrow I work at 11, but I was thinking I'd ride my bike. I'm afraid I won't do it, so here I am telling you my plan. I am going to get ready for bed now and then in the morning I will ride my bike to work. I promise! I don't want to have to pay at the scale. Right now I am past the half-way point in getting to my goal. These last pounds are going to be the hardest, so I need to do this. I wish there was someone who could nag me and really push me. If I could afford it, I would pay for a personal trainer to kick my bum. In the meantime, I suppose I'll have to dig deep for motivation.

Clothes Galore!

This weekend I stopped in my hometown briefly where I had a walk-in closet full of old clothes that I'd completely forgotten about! Some of the stuff I don't find to be age appropriate, but even still, a lot of clothing just re-entered my wardrobe. Before I had one swimsuit that was huge on me, but now I can throw that away because I found 4 more that actually fit! I am up to my ears in tops, skirts, jeans, dresses, and skirts... is it Christmas already? 

This feels so good. For once, when I was home I actually hoped that someone from my high school would see me.

Weigh-In

This week I lost 1.4 pounds...I'll take it gladly! At this stage, with only 3o or so stubborn pounds left, every small loss is a step in the right direction. I am looking forward to celebrating the loss of 50 pounds. 2 more pounds! I don't necessarily plan on hitting it next week, though I plan on hitting that milestone by the 29th at the latest. 

This week I actually exercised 3 times! I am most definitely dedicated to keeping this up. I already started this new week by exercising this afternoon to my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD and tomorrow I plan on going to the gym. My WW leader implemented the optiona use of activity cards to keep us slackers on track with exercise. Every time you complete 15 minutes of activity, you cross it off and when you've done that 80 times, you get a prize. 

Activity Points

So far this week I have exercised twice and both times I was inspired by the Biggest Loser.

The other day I began to bring more boxes into my new apartment and I started thinking, "Hey, this can be counted as exercise." Even still, I decided to kick it up a notch into a Biggest Loser-style moving challenge (against myself). I grabbed a box from the garage and either walked it, ran it, or jogged it to my apartment door depending on the weight and dimensions. Once the box was down, I pivoted and sprinted back to the garage. I did this until most of my boxes were out of the garage and I was quite sweaty.

This morning after having gone to bed at 4am since I worked til 1, I actually popped out of bed at 11 wanting to go for a walk. I tried to find a route around the bf's neighborhood that didn't include a main road, but to no avail. I had only walked for about 10 minutes and was planning on calling it a day when I walked by the park and saw these steps:

I remembered all the times they ran stadium stairs on the BL and decided I could do it too. I went up and down these bad boys 5 times, then I did tricep dips off the play set and squats by the benches. I turned my lame 10 minute workout into a 30 minute sweatfest and I feel fantastic! I'm proud of myself right now.

A New Decade

Monday was weigh-in day and I lost 3 pounds! I am ecstatic. It has taken me 5 weeks to lose this last 5 pounds, but I did it. I have lost a total of 46.6. Oh yeah baby! I am officially in the 150's for the first time since senior year of high school. In other words, I haven't been this thin in 6 years!! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. 

The last two weeks were hard, having had a gain and no losses, but I got through them. One thing that kept me going was a text I got from my boyfriend. He told me that every weigh-in for me is a battle, but I am still winning the overall war, so there's no need to get caught up in the little battles.

Excuses Excuses

When it comes to exercise, I never seem to run out of excuses not to get off my butt. Last night while watching the disappointing game 2 of the NBA finals, I caught a snippet of a commercial where someone said, "Of course you're plateauing, you're not doing anything!" Were they talking to me? It almost seemed like a personal message from Jillian Michael's. LOL.

Honestly, I haven't earned any activity points this entire week. It's so hard for me to find the motivation sometimes because I run around on concrete for 9 hours straight, five days a week. When I get out of work, the last thing I want to do is be active. So then one might say I should get up earlier in the morning to exercise. That sounds fine and dandy, but I do not work a 9-5. Sometimes my shifts are less than 9 hours apart because for my position they require ANYTIME availability. 

Today is weigh-in day and I know that I lost this past week, but today starts a new week and I really want to focus on exercise. I don't know what it takes to get me going. Maybe a challenge or competition of some sort. I perused the message boards on the WW website, but everybody was so active it depressed me.

I've lost all this weight, but I really want a healthy and lean body. I know I have to exercise to get it. Help?

Meetings

Apparently, for me, meetings are key. On Memorial Day Weight Watchers was closed, so today is going to be my first meeting in 2 weeks and I am most certain that I have not lost. Its more likely that I gained several ounces. I used most of my bonus points and was not very active. Plus, its not so much about how much I ate as it is WHAT I ate. Friday was my boyfriend's birthday, so I made him a cake; vanilla with coconut frosting. Normally, this would not be a threat to my plan and progress since I don't like cake; however, I made this cake from scratch and it was delicious! I set my limit in advance that I would enjoy one piece with my boyfriend on his birthday only. Well...one piece turned into 1.5 that day, one the next, and two bites the next. Plus, the night of his birthday we went out for Thai (the leftovers made 2 more meals). Luckily for me, he finished the cake yesterday, so I
can now get back to the program. I have a few big milestones and goals I want to reach, so it's time to pick up the slack.

This week I really missed having meeting. It seems that the accountability and support I get from meetings makes a big difference for me.

Not Obese Anymore

I just realized that according to the National Institute of Health I am no longer considered obese (BMI of greater than 30). To be honest, when I gained all of this weight, I never really thought of myself as obese. Everyone I surrounded myself with had mostly positive things to say about me and my body shape with the exception of my ex fiance who loved to tear me down. I didn't realize how big I was getting. I just now went around the house to try and find an item that weighed the same amount as what I have lost. I found a case of bottled water, but it was only 30 pounds; approximately 2/3 of what I lost. Even still... holding that case of water in my arms while imagining another half case on top of it was something else. I was carrying around all that extra weight and now it's gone. I feel free. I've been here all along, but now you can see me! I was buried by all those extra pounds from stress, emotional pain, the binge eating and the yo-yo dieting.

One of the things that has made this journey so much easier and SUCCESSFUL is that I have some amazing people who love and support me. My friends are the few and the proud; a hand-picked crew of some of the most beautiful souls. My life is completely empty of people who bring me down or want to keep me down. In the past, those negative people have been men, but right now I have the most supportive man I've ever met in my life. He counts points right along with me even though he doesn't need to lose weight. He goes on walks with me. This guy is in my corner.

A couple of weeks ago I told him on a particular day that I wanted to make sure I took a walk. Our day was busy and it wasn't until later that I remembered that I needed to get some exercise. I looked outside and it seemed it might rain soon, so I told him we should probably cancel the walk, to which he replied something to the effect of, "Ok weather woman, what's your excuse going to be next time". He then continued to tell me if we went for a walk that moment, we'd probably miss the rain. I exercised that day because of him. He was able to hold me accountable without pissing me off. This is something others have had a hard time with. You can ask just about anyone who knows me...

Tomato salad & Salmon Burgers

I made this the other night and it was oh so satisfying!

10 pear tomatoes (halved)

1 T red onion finely chopped

1T reduced fat crumbled feta cheese

Kraft Basil Vinaigrette to taste (I only used 2tsp)

toss together

This was very tasty for 1 POINT!

Also, to  mix things up this summer try throwing some Alaskan king salmon burgers on the grill. You can get these from the frozen seafood section at your local supermarket. The variety I found has a 3 POINTS value for a very nicely sized patty. Be careful when selecting buns. Some of the light style 1 POINTS value buns (and breads) have high fructose corn syrup as one of their main ingredients.

20th Weigh-In

This week I lost 1.6 pounds. I am so close to the 150's that I can taste them!!! I am also 1 pound away from the 45 pound marker.
Will post more later, but have to run to the side of a loved one.

Pound for Pound Challenge

For every pound you pledge to lose this summer, General Mills will donate 14¢ to Feeding America™ - enough to provide one pound of groceries to a local food bank.

http://pfpchallenge.com/

Spread the word! This is a great way to give to your community even when you, like me, hardly have the resources to give to yourself.

Biggest Loser Finale- Spoiler Warning!

I am slightly bummed by the results of the Biggest Loser. I have followed the show religiously since the start of my WW journey. While I have felt connected to all of the players and those watching at home through our common goal, I aligned myself with Tara. I was really pulling for her tonight, but Helen took it! The same woman who cost her 10,000 dollars by eating one donut against her time in a half-marathon when she, herself didn't have a chance in hell at winning that challenge. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for Helen. She is truly an inspiration, but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Yatta!

Yesterday was my weekly weigh-in and I lost 2.2 pounds! I can't believe it... all my worry was for nothing. 

For two days last week I was a bottomless pit! In those two days I must have consumed all of my flex points (that I normally don't even use). I can't tell you whether I did or not because I stopped tracking after I hit my daily target. Paired with lack of exercise, I was sure that was going to be a recipe for weight gain. For the rest of the week I didn't dare to get on the scale at home. 

But no, I hit my 20%! I am so glad that I correctly listened to my body when it was asking for more fuel. I knew it wasn't emotional or boredom hunger! 

Last night I celebrated by going to a local Thai restaurant where I ordered the Kee Maow (5 points/cup) and Dim Sum (2pts/piece) and a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. I was very busy earlier in the day so I had a bunch of points left. I grabbed a snack before I left the house, so that I wouldn't lick my plate clean and had a great celebration dinner. I used a couple of flex points because that's what they are for (I need to keep telling myself this so I won't be too restrictive). This time I tracked the flex points I used. I think before I was almost ashamed to use them, but now I know it's necessary sometimes. 

After dinner, I ended up going for a very nice 2 mile walk/jog with my boyfriend to earn some exercise points, so I am feeling wonderful today!

1.8 pounds away from the 150's

12 years ago, the number 150 on the scale is what triggered a full-blown eating disorder, but today I would accept that number with open arms. I can't believe how far I've come. I feel amazing. I'm in better shape and have a leaner body than I've had in years. I actually don't think I've ever been this healthy! When I was much thinner, I had gotten there from long periods of starvation and purging. 

Goals

My next goal is to get into the 150's. After that, I will be celebrating the loss of 45 pounds at 159.2 and 50! at 154.2. Then, I will be looking forward to reaching the 25% (153.2 pounds) weight-loss mark. 

Been a while.

It's been quite a while since my last post. To tell the truth I've lost a bit of focus and I blame it on one thing, getting comfortable with my body. Of course, this isn't a horrible thing, but I am only halfway to my goal and my weight-loss is slowing down. This is the time that I should be extra focused and diligent about my intake and exercise goals, but so far the opposite is happening. This may sound horrible, but I really wish people would stop telling me how great/thin/et cetera I am looking. It's going straight to my head! Lol.

This week has been a bit rough, I've used most of my flex points when normally I use none to 5 of them. My weight seems to be holding steady and I fear I am going to pay at the scale for not earning any activity points. Today I am doing ok, but the two days before that I was feeling hungry all the time. It didn't seem like emotional hunger, so I figured I would give my body what it was asking for. Right now I am regretting it. As of now I am 0.6 pounds away from having lost 20% of my body weight and I don't think I am going to make it by Monday night. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but I'm a little disappointed in myself for my lack of focus and exercise this week.

On the up-side, I bought a pair of size 8 jeans, I am hoping to fit into them by the end of the summer if not sooner!

Beautiful Day

This morning I actually jumped out of bed. I woke up feeling excellent! Let's hope the rest of the day goes that well. I have had the last two days off and today I am closing up shop, so I don't need to be in until 3:30 ish. I wanted to write a quick post, but I have a bunch of stuff still left to do such as sun worshipping and yoga.

I have not started my contest subsmission yet. I've been spending the last couple of days re-organizing my life. I knew that things were hectic when I was with my ex and constantly travelling to see him, but my goodness! Finally, after two days things are clean and everything is in line, so that I can actually put new things on my to-do list.

My snacking goal is not going so well this week and my exercise is still average for me (1-2 days per week). Yesterday I indulged on two differen't WW treats for a total of 4 out of my 27 daily points. I am just trying to eat more responsibly and while the WW ice creams and candies are better than most calorie-wise, they are still not the best choice for the body. So...no more of those for the rest of the week.

I am worth it

On Monday I completed 16 weeks of being on the Weight Watchers program. I weighed in at 164.4 pounds. I was 0.2 pounds away from hitting the 40 lb mark and only 1 pound away from having lost TWENTY PERCENT of my body weight since starting WW. If we were to calculate using my peak weight from this last fall of 215, I have already lost 23% of my body weight.

The past few days have been a roller coaster for me, having gone through a break-up. Ending a relationship with someone is never easy and never feels good, especially if you have developed an attachment, but life goes on and mine will be great. Tonight I spoke to one of my dearest friends for quite a long time. He is me, only a few years older with a penis and all the accoutrement's. He was able to bring some clarity to my mind and shake me back to my center. So here I am... I am back and grounded as ever.

I deleted a couple of unescessary posts from the last few days that were filled with emotional turmoil. It's not that I am ashamed of it because everybody goes through stuff and responds differently, but my initial responses are always more exaggerated compared to how I feel when my mind has had a day or two to adapt to change. To those of you who may have read those, I am doing ok, and I regret that you saw that side of me because it's not an accurate depiction of me as a whole.

Goals for this next week:

exercise, exercise, exercise! Now that I am not getting any sex, I will have to kick up my activity level quite a bit. LOL. No, but really... No matter what happens in my life I need to keep routine and stay active. Exercise will be a great way to help kick the pain and stress of a break-up while keeping me on track with my health goals.

Hit the 40lb and 20% mark by Monday, May 1st. -No problem.

Start my essay submission for the Weight Watchers Inspiring Stories of the Year Contest!

Eat less snacks and empty calories.

Move on...because I'm worth it.

Monday Night Weigh-in

This week I lost 3.4 pounds. My current weight is 165.4 pounds and my total loss is 38.8 pounds.

New body...New apartment

Warning! I took this video from my BlackBerry after drinking two cups of strong coffee. You may want to take medication for motion sickness before watching this clip.

Exercise Achievements

Last week at meeting one of the topics was the practice of storyboarding to reach an activity goal. My end goal is to exercise 4-5 times per week, but I have only been active an average of one day per week. In order to achieve this goal, I decided one of the steps I needed to take was to break it into smaller goals, starting with stepping up my average to 2x/wk. Other steps I believe to be important are scheduling, tracking, blogging, keeping it fun, and rewarding myself.

So here I am...

This week I have:

Used my Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD- I finally did the weeks 1-2 workout all the way through

Walked with my boyfriend

Easter Dinner :(

This past Monday I weighed in at 168.8 pounds. I only lost 0.6 pounds, but oh well, it was still 0.6 pounds in the right direction.

At the previous meeting, everyone was panicking about the upcoming Easter festivities and so was I. My mother usually makes a fairly large, fatty meal with a side of sugar-infused deserts. All the same, I was looking forward to the meal. I had a feeling she would try a sweet treat from the WW site or cookbook for me and her husband to have, but unfortunately that was not the case. When I got home from my 9 hour day at work it was already past 8 o'clock and I had to get my food out of the secondary fridge on the other side of the house. To my dismay, the ham was already firmly held in place by the cooled animal fat around it, but that wasn't even the worst part. I spotted a chocolate cream pie. When I went back across the house and into the kitchen I asked my mom if it was made with fat-free, sugar-free pudding. Her response was not the nicest. She informed me that we didn't have any and she didn't feel like going to the store to buy some when in fact...she had already gone to the store to buy corn smothered in butter sauce AND we actually did have said pudding in the cabinets on a clearly marked shelf. 

What I learned from this experience is that I cannot rely on other people, but I had hoped that I could rely on my mother to provide me with some healthy alternatives for a holiday meal. Instead, everything was covered in butter, sugar, molasses, and fat. Oh joy. 

She has said before that she can't eat as healthy as I do because she'd lose weight, so I understand that most of the meals she cooks aren't going to be endorsed by Weight Watchers anytime soon, but I really wanted her support with that particular meal. It just wasn't there, but I did fine. I had 4 ounces of ham with the fat scraped off, threw the buttered corn in the garbage when I realized what it was, picked at the pre-buttered squash, and treated myself to giant latte mousse bar. At the end, I was satisfied with myself, but not the meal because it wasn't anything special. 

Sorry, just felt like venting...

High Fructose Corn Syrup

Again... I am trying to uncover why I avoid certain products instead of blindly following others, but so far, I am glad I did so.

http://www.becomehealthynow.com/article/carbs/1170

Must READ! Hydrogenated Oils- The Silent Killers

This article is a MUST READ! This is an article from David Lawrence Hewey's Food for Thought column.

Hydrogenated Oils-Silent Killersby columnist, David Lawrence Dewey© copyrighted 1996
http://www.dldewey.com/hydroil.htm

David Lawrence Dewey was the first journalist to raise the warning flag to consumers concerning the deadly health effects of hydrogenated oils in 1996.

The article is the most comprehensive and extensive article on the net about hydrogenated oils. The article explains what they are, when they started being used, and the deadly effects they cause ranging from coronary heart disease, to diabetes type II, to cancer, autism, food allergies and autoimmune diseases.

Provided are numerous references and links to research studies from Harvard Medical Research, The Helsinky Institute and other reputable research centers around the world. The article has been read by over 30 million readers worldwide since 1996 and is continuously being updated. Make sure you read the updates at the end of the column.

Before reading this article, I was avoiding hydrogenated oils and trans fats because my old health-nut supervisor told me to. Then last week my inquisitive other half asked me why they were so bad and I was semi-embarassed to not even know why... but here is this article to answer the question some of you may have also been asking.

Why are hydrogenated oils so bad for you?

Full of Hope

As the title of this blog post suggests, I am full of hope and excitement. I know that this time around I will reach and maintain my goal. I'm so proud of myself. Several months ago I was caged in a horrible excuse for a relationship; engaged to a man that had absolutely no love or respect for me. Even if he lied at times to create the illusion of love, to be in that situation and be so blind, it's clear that I had very little love and respect for myself. When I found out about all of his lies, it tore me apart. I sought revenge, but it didn't ease my sorrows. I banished that abusive man from my life and put him in jail where he belonged. He was gone and I was better off, but behind my smile I was dying inside. The level of his deceit was just off the charts and everything he'd ever done and said to me came flooding into my mind over and over. Some day it will be in a book, but not one I can write now. At the time I also had a very psychologically stressful job in a long-term residential treatment home for children from various traumatic backgrounds. The days were so long I measured them by mealtimes and could never wait to eat. I wanted to get back home so I could go to bed and wallow in self-pity. I was already around 200 pounds. One week he'd say he liked arm candy and the next week he'd think my butt was getting too small, so my weight was yo-yoing and every time it went down, it went higher than it was before. Between the stress and deep depression I was sinking into, my emotional eating was spinning out of control and I was up to 215 pounds.

I never thought that I would be over 200... but it happened. I was disgusted with myself, but felt that I would never get down to where I should medically be. I had pretty much given up on myself. It didn't help that people would say that I was beautiful and that some people are just mean to be bigger. Eventually, though, I got sick of people telling me how well I wore my weight.

There are three different body types. I am a mesomorph. I have an hourglass figure and tend to gain and lose proportionately. You might have noticed from my last posting that I have lost just about the same amount (2") off of every part of my body except for my calves. My calves were already very lean. This does not change the fact that I am obese (but very close to entering the overweight BMI zone)! That's still a lot of weight that I was carrying around. Since starting this blog I have lost almost 50 pounds. I used to groan like an old lady when getting up. I still do, but now it's only out of habit, not out of strain. I had difficulty breathing sometimes, even if I was being sedentary. Every movement felt like work. I had no energy. I was only 22 and I FELT 32.

Having now lost 15% of my weight and sneaking up on 20%... I feel amazing. I am already reaping the benefits of my new healthy lifestyle and I can't wait to experience the others that await me. These are supposed to be the best years of my life. Albeit I wasted one of them on a loser, but now I have healed and am on my way to being a healthy, athletic 20-something.

By the way... my mom pointed out tonight that I am almost HALFWAY to my goal.

Oh F YEAH! In the 160's baby!

Hey guys. This is my obligatory Monday night weigh-in post. This week I lost 2 pounds for a total weight loss of 34.8 pounds. My current weight is 169.4. I made my goal of getting into the 160's and am .2 pounds away from a 5lb milestone and 6 pounds away from having lost 20% of my body weight since starting WW in January. Hopefully sometime next month I will be able to share that good news with you!

I am pretty sure it has been about 4 years since I was in the 160's. I think that's what I was when I went on the South Beach Diet Sophomore year. I had lost about 20 pounds on that diet and put it all back on plus some. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT

Old Jeans

Today I was trying to tidy up because I read an article on the WW website about how keeping your environment organized helps keep you on track with healthy behaviours. Looking through my clothes, I realized that I am holding onto a lot of clothes that don't fit me; they are now TOO BIG. It was quite an emotional event throwing them away. I cried a little because for a few reasons I was so filled with happiness. I am never going to be those sizes again. I would have donated them, but most had stains, minor rips, and damage at the hem. The ones I disposed of were all of my old 13/14 and 15/16's. I saved a couple of small sections of the waistband with the size tag right in the middle. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am also scrapbooking this journey, so I wanted to put in the denim swatches as I change sizes.

Trying to Find Extra Motivation

There's no doubt that I am a motivated individual, but lately it just hasn't been as easy to get these extra pounds off and I have yet to really kick it up. The other day I blogged that I was going to do a last chance workout like on the Biggest Loser. To be completely honest it was really half-assed and I hardly broke a sweat.


I have felt myself slipping this week. I hadn't exercised. Yesterday I went over my points and didn't even count how many I went over them by. I helped myself to 2 (sherbet and Sprite smoothies) and no, it wasn't Sprite 0). I didn't measure at all. It was a simple sugar binge. Today was my day off and I found myself sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating mindlessly. Again, I had 2 servings of sorbet. The difference is that I measured and counted points, but looking at my food journal today, you can see at a glance that a majority of my calories came from carbs (most of them simple).


I was feeling guilty and very disappointed at my lack of self control. It was a beautiful day out and here I was being a couch potato. Fortunately, I was flipping through the channels and stumbled upon a re-run of the Biggest Loser. The episode was about the first day the trainers met the contestants. I watched a group of severely overweight individuals race one mile through the desert to be guaranteed a spot on one of the two teams. If they can do it, why was I not outside running?


That was enough to get me off of the couch and out I went. It was kind of embarassing to me...to be out there in my exercise outfit, visible to anyone driving by. I hoped they were not picking on me. I actually tried to convince myself that they were proud of me for running. I mean, all those slender people you see jogging might not have always been slender. You have to start somewhere. I ended up jogging/walking for about 2 miles. I took a small break to do housework and then I ended up working out with my new Biggest Loser Bootcamp DVD. Wow. Today did not end up being a lazy day. I am exhausted!

Week 12 Weigh-in

This week I lost about half of a pound (.4 to be precise). I am completely ok with this as it is the time of month when I tend to bloat. I wonder what would have happened if I had not exercised as much this week. My current weight is 171.4 and my goal is to lose more than 1.4 pounds by next Monday. I think I can do this if I work hard and stay focused. The 160's are so close and I want to be in that next 10 lb bracket so badly. I should also note that I am 2.2 pounds away from having lost a total of 35 pounds. I would like to reach that goal within the next two weeks.

I have now been on the WW program for 3 months, so I decided to measure myself this evening to chart my progress. Now that I am in the exercise groove, I'm confident that the inches will keep falling off.

Measurements

	Week 6	Week 12
Hips	43"	41"
Natural Waist	34"	32"
Lower Waist	37"	35"
Bust	43"	40"
Thighs	27"	25"
Calves	15 1/2"	15 1/2"
Biceps	14 1/4	13"