Friday, January 30, 2009

Getting a Move On


A few days ago I posted a workout plan that I was supposed to follow the very next day. Well, it didn't happen that day...or the day after. The first day I spent doing my taxes and other odds and ends while thinking about exercising, and the second day I spent feeling guilty yet lazy.

Today was the day. I actually woke up before my alarm feeling FULL of energy! I ended up doing 2 sets of 50 sit ups, 20 minutes on the gazelle, and a 20 minute Pilates DVD. Then I did walking squats with resistance tubing on my ankles while holding hand weights. Then I cranked up a high voltage song on my iPod and went to town on bicycle crunches for about 2 minutes.

I felt so good at work and throughout the day. Except for feeling more hungry at lunchtime, my energy levels were constant.

Tonight after dinner I attempted to do my Biggest Loser Yoga DVD, but it was a little too intense for nighttime and the woodstove was wayyyy too hot. It seems like it will be a really good workout, I could get up early and do it, but I don't know if I will. It's already almost midnight.

One thing I Do know is that last time my goal for exercise was too high, at least for now. My goal for tomorrow is to do something. Something meaning at least 20 minutes of activity even if it is split in half.

Other random notes:
Someone said I looked smaller :)
My mother said I've lost weight in my face
-she also said I am getting my waist back...didn't realize I'd completely lost it :)/:(

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Goodbye 190's, hello 180's!

I weighed myself both last night and this morning and it's true... gosh I haven't been in the 180's in a long time (since I had just started living with JoJo in SB).

For those of you that aren't familiar with Weight Watchers that means that I now get to eat one less POINT per day because the formula for the amount of points you eat per day includes the first two numbers of your weight.

I am fine with this. I was not sure whether to wait til the Monday meeting to go down a point, but I decided that changing my points right now is probably the best choice. Some days I find myself still trying to get points in at the end of the evening and most of the time that last 1 POINT isn't exactly a healthy last POINT. For instance, last night it was a Weight Watcher's brand cookie.

Upcoming goals to meet:

Incorporating Exercise

Increment of 5 (189.2) -will determine whether I met this goal at weigh-in on Monday

10% of my body weight/an increment of 5 (184.2)

The 170's

Due Dates:

Meet 10% by Monday 2/16/09

New Old Pants

This morning on a whim I decided to try on some of my old pants and jeans that were tucked back in the very back of my closet. I knew that it would either motivate me or depress me, but I took that chance.

I've been complaining for several days that I haven't gone down a pant size, but I finally did! I was a 15/16, but I was able to fit into my 13/14's and even a couple pairs of my size 12 jeans!!!!

A size 10 is still 2-3 inches away, but I'll get there. I am soooo sticking to my exercise plan today so I can keep whittling away.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Workout Plan

There is no way I can make a goal as huge as "I will work out 5 times this week". So, I am going to start with:

1.) Tomorrow I am going to put one of my DVD's in the DVD player and I will actually work out with it instead of watching.

2.) If I get bored or don't break a sweat, I will go on the elliptical for 30 mins or more.

3.) I will do ab work of some sort. It might be a set of 10 crunches, but whatever.

I need to do this day by day... in baby steps. :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday Night Weigh-In

Almost back to the 180's!!! It's been about a year and a half, or maybe more, since I have been in the 180's. I think I was about 180 when I met my ex-fiance.
Tonight I weighed in at 190.8. I didn't reach any goals, such as weight loss in an increment of five or a percentage marker, but I am still happy. I lost 3.4 pounds when I was almost convinced that I wasn't going to lose much.
Goal for this week: add in exercise!!! I have been really , really naughty and haven't exercised yet. I have three new DVD's and exercise equipment, so I really have no excuse for myself.

Even work isn't really keeping me from working out. With some of my excess weight gone, I am not in a whole lot of pain by the time I finish a 9-hour shift on concrete floors. I do ache, but maybe I could try getting up early??? Not something I like to do, but maybe I can learn to like it :)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Midnight Meanderings

I was lying in bed just now and I started to think more about this habit that I have of putting food in my mouth when it doesn't need to be there. At my last WW meeting we talked a bit about the different kind of hungers. It's pretty clear to me that I have a problem with emotional hunger. I am always trying to feed it. I am very in tune with my body's biological signs of hunger, so it must be the other kind that I am dealing with.

About 14 years ago I was a 5th grade girl who had put herself on a diet. I had always been a big fan of Lifetime movies and I learned some tips and tricks from the eating disorder specials. I found the disordered patterns that the movies illustrated to be appealing and in a very strange way, I admired the girls with the ED's. Needless to say, by the time I started 6th grade I had lost 20 percent of my body weight. That is when I started being watched. They said I was "at risk", but they had no idea what went on behind the bathroom door. My family had no concept of what I ate, as we rarely ate as a family. We were always in front of the TV. I could walk into the kitchen and throw away most of my food during the Final Jeopardy without anyone even noticing. It's easy to tuck excess food under a used paper towel and an aluminum can...whatever's available.

At that age, I got to a weight where I felt comfortable. The "cool kids" were starting to talk to me. I even had my first boyfriend and first kiss that year. But of course as soon as I got comfy and would eat "normally" the weight would pile back on. By 8th grade my weight soared to just over 150. I couldn't handle seeing that number. I actually teared up at the doctor's office and I resolved to get rid of that weight.

That summer I became a hardcore anorexic- no more of that bulimic gluttony- I was ready to practice some real self control...or so that may have been my thought pattern at the time. I hardly ever ate and I often ran as much as 8 miles a day/5 times a week. By the time I entered the 9th grade I weighed 83 pounds. I was very popular for a short amount of time, until my fall from grace when everyone found out the truth of my transformation. After a physical and some blood work, I had a tough reality to face and a decision to make... eat and stop running or die. Get a tube shoved down your throat or die. Luckily for me, there was also a choice C. Get help.

Hearing my mother crying at night through the thin wall that separated our bedrooms had a huge influence, but it was also my late grandmother's dying wish of me. You can't just ignore those kind of pleas. I was being selfish in a way and was at the same time punishing myself; 2 behaviors that are unnecessary. I got all the help I could get. Dietitian. Psychologist. Psychiatrist. Support groups. You name it.

In many ways I got better. By the time I was 15, most of my disordered habits had disappeared. Except for the one I still struggle with today; emotional eating.

All of the mental health services I received never fully dealt with my past. Tonight I was thinking about it and I had an epiphany of sorts. I need to learn to love myself because food will not heal the hurts that have been inflicted upon me. 2008 was an especially hard year, but I will not let it break me. Just because people have not treated me with kindness and respect and have not shown me love, does not mean that I am not worthy. I deserve that from myself because, in the end, the only people I can count on to receive those things are myself and the Big Guy in the Sky.

This process and this blog is so much bigger than just trying to lose weight. I am in the process of learning how to love my body and myself, and it's just a coincidence that it includes the things that I put into it.

Eating 3 helpings at mealtime doesn't = not loving myself
Eating 3 helpings at mealtime = I am not paying attention to myself and what I really need to feel good and be healthy

I should probably get some sleep! Good night.


My plan for the afternoon was successful. It turns out I didn't need to be so worried about the pudding because it's hard to raid the cabinets when you have to be consistently stirring for 10 minutes.

Tonight I had a 4 POINT taco soup and homemade guacamole. I believe both recipes are on although I did add minced sweet red peppers and garlic to the guac as well as about 2 tablespoons of diced pear tomatoes. I didn't have any cilantro on hand, but it still had a wonderful flavor. I also found tortilla chips that were 2 POINTS per serving (Price Chopper Naturals). Somehow I was able to have just one serving because the meal was very filling. I also had refried beans (only 1 POINT for 1/2 cup).

Even still, I am having a fat day. Some days my POINTS allowance just seems too high and by the end of the day I am just a little more full than I want to be and I get that "gross" feeling that I am trying to avoid.

I can't wait to fit into those old jeans...

Fighting the Urge

Right now I am sitting in front of the TV, relaxing and watching a movie. Today is my day off, so I think I deserve some R&R. The issue is that I want to munch! Really, really badly... But tonight I am making taco soup and I want to save POINTS so that I can have 2 cups of it and maybe a little bit of ice cream for dessert.

I am not even "snack hungry". I am not really bored either, it's like I just want to crunch or chew. I wanted to go cook some pudding for the rest of the week for snacks, but am afraid cooking will trigger a mini-binge.

I think I just came up with a solution. I am going to grab a couple of sugar free lifesavor sorbet candies to keep my mouth occupied and I am also going to make that pudding; I don't want cravings to control me. But I will NOT have a snack because I am not hungry yet.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Beware of Leftovers

Did you make something super-tasty that is bound to leave you wanting more?

There is one thing that I heard in last Monday's meeting that I will have to put into practice myself. After dinner tonight, I found myself standing over the pot with a fork; eating right out of it. Yes, I did make a healthy meal, but I already had my servings and was running lean on points left for the day.

I will try from now on to put away my leftovers before I sit down to eat my food. That way, I will not be tempted to nibble at the extra food.

It's not even that I was hungry, because I wasn't. The food was just there and I must have been feeling bored.

Filling Recipe!

I don't know if I am supposed to post Weight Watchers recipes, but tonight I made this recipe that was delicious and reminded me more of homestyle cooking. Lately, I have been experimenting with different texture, ingredients, and flavors, so this was a nice change.

Stroganoff-topped Potato, Serves 2, 7 POINTS per serving

1 medium baking potato
1 tsp. olive oil
4oz beef flank steak, cut across grain into bite-size strips
1 c. sliced mushrooms
1 small onion, cut into thin wedges
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/8 tsp. pepper
1 can Progresso Light Savory Vegatable Barley Soup
14 c. fat free sour cream
2 tbsp. chopped parsley

Very easy, 1 pan

Heat oil over high heat, add mushrooms, onions, and beef. Add garlic powder and and pepper. Cook 5-7 minutes; until the meat is just browned and veggies are beginning to soften. Stir in soup and heat to boil. Cover and simmer 7-10 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in sour cream.

Serve over half of a baked potato. Top each with a sprinkling of parsley.

5% Down!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the delay in getting the follow-up to the poll posted! I've been slacking (but not on my goal). Monday was my Weight Watchers meeting and weigh-in day. I lost another 2.8 pounds for a total loss of 10 pounds! I just barely met my mini goal which was to lose 5% of my body weight, but hey, I DID IT.

Today as my present to myself I ordered a Belly Dancing exercise video. Since, I will be needing to add exercise into my plan soon to keep the weight-loss going... I haven't exercised yet. One of the WW leaders told me that since my body is considering working on my feet as exercise, I should weight til the weight-loss slows before I add any more in. Today I got satellite and was watching FiTV for the heck of it and they were doing belly dancing. It looked like such a fun way to exercise that I ordered a video!

I must admit to you all that I am not feeling 100% thrilled. I am glad that I met one goal, but I am a little disappointed that I haven't gone down a pant size yet. I tried on some old jeans to see how far I had to go to fit into my old size 10's and 12's and I still have some work ahead of me to get there. I am glad I chose to buy that exercise video! Now let's see if I ever put it in the DVD player...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Follower Poll

My third weigh-in is two days away and I am sure I am about to reach my 5% goal. I would like to reward myself with something other than food, so I'd like to ask you what you think I should reward myself with. Preferrably something not too expensive, as I am toying with the idea of buying myself a designer handbag or sunglasses when I meet goal.

I'd love to hear your ideas!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I'm Ba-ack!

As you all probably guessed. I fell off the wagon. I had lost about 7 lbs before Christmas, but then I moved. Who did I move in with? My mother. And what does she like to do? Cook, bake, and feed people. Needless to say I gained back all of the weight I had worked so hard to lose, plus three pounds, for a total weight gain in TWO weeks of 10 pounds!

I write this all as matter of fact, but in truth I am very ashamed to be admitting my failure. At the same time I am happy to share with you all that I have found a new program and support net for this goal. Monday, January 5th, I found myself at my first Weight Watchers meeting. I was 204.2 pounds. I knew that my boss worked for Weight Watchers and was a lifetime member. I also knew that she lost 60 pounds on the program and has kept it off for almost 10 years so far. I have bumped into many people who have similar stories about Weight Watchers, but I never joined. Something about the idea of having meetings just seemed to cult-ish to me. I just didn't get it.

I have been to two meetings so far and I am loving it. I go in there and I am surrounded by all these people who are friendly and there to support each-other. The weigh-in process is discreet, but at the same time holds you accountable for your eating and exercise behaviours. ACCOUNTABILITY is key. I just can't get the same thing from my blog alone.

Last week I walked into my second meeting. As usual, it was held in this quaint little church. One of the leaders recognizes me as a newer member and asks me how I think I did this week. I smile kind of shyly and tell her I think I did pretty well. I do know I did well. The last time I checked on my scale I had lost 4 pounds already that week, but I am nervous that maybe my scale is not the same as theirs. I stand in line joking with the lady behind me that maybe I should take off my belt to take off half a pound. She laughs and tells me sometimes around holidays people take off their earrings and any other jewelry and wear light clothes such as wind pants. Before I know it, it's my turn to step up. I get to be weighed in with my boss. It's taking forever and I can't wait to hear the number. She looks at the number and says "Oh my", and at first I think it's bad news, but I know it can't be? "You lost 7.2 pounds. Wow".

Yup and then I totally high-fived her.

I was told not to expect such drastic results for next week. Part of the weight-loss came from starting my job that week. My body thought that work was exercise. Being on my feet all day long sure does feel like exercise. When I get home my body is sore from my big toe all the way up to the middle of my back. I was told not to add in an exercise routine until my body gets used to working on my feet. That's fine with me. It's hard to exercise when you are already in pain when you begin.

Being in this program reminds me a lot of being in AA or the eating disorder group I was in. The first step is admitting you have a problem...LOL. I was sitting in meeting on Monday and realized that I need to stop blaming my current weight gain on having been anorexic and bulimic in the past. True, that most likely affected my metabolism, but so has my yo-yo dieting and sporadic eating habits. I hardly eat one day, and then the next day I'll be stuffing my face. One week I am dieting, the next I am stuffing my face. I have poor impulse control when it comes to food. On Family Guy there's this clip where Brian gives Meg some dieting tips:

It sounds like harsh advice, but in the end it's true for a lot of people. Including myself.