I have to admit...

To tell the truth to all. I fell apart during the holidays and all my goals went out of my mind. I am not sure what I weigh, but I am sure I am right back where I started.

I will be starting weight watchers very soon.

Today is Another Day

"A man's errors are his portals to discovery"
~ James Joyce (Irish novelist)

Yesterday is in the past. Without yesterday's blunder I wouldn't know what I needed to do to change tomorrow. It's apparent that it's very important for me maintain a routine. When I was in routine I was doing very well. Then, for a few days I stopped blogging, I stopped counting calories, and I still wasn't exercising.

Right now I am behind on my goal. Friday is supposed to be my 3rd weigh in and I have only lost 6.5 pounds as opposed to the full 7 I should have lost by last Friday.

This is my plan today. If I don't do this, I really wish someone could kick me in the ass. Right now I am going to get off of this couch. Then I will make myself 2 eggs which I will eat with an orange and a cup of tea. Immediately following, I will get ready for the gym where I will stay for no less than 2 hours.

Slip Up

When I first started this blog, I decided that I was going to be candid about my experience. Today, for the first time in years, I had a relapse. I don't really know what happened. I was doing so well with my plan, but for the past 3 days I haven't logged my consumption. Last night I ended up going out for Burger King because we saw a stupid commercial on TV. Don't get me wrong. The burger was good, but I felt so horrible after. I ended up falling asleep and woke up in the morning resolved to go to the gym. I waited around for my roommate to finish playing video games for 2 hours because he said he wanted to go with me. What did I do while I was waiting? I ate. So, we were finally on our way when we had to turn around because he had to go to work earlier than expected. I ended up going right away by myself because I knew if I went inside my house that the gym would never happen. However, I get to the gym and all of a sudden my MP3 player doesn't work and I can't run without music; it motivates me and keeps me working hard. I ran for as long as I could without my music, but my workout was very short. Come to find out, my roommate was curious about my MP3 player and turned it on, but couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so the battery drained and he forgot to tell me. So, I get home and find this out, and I am mad...What do I do? I eat. I tried to call a friend to vent and it didn't make me feel any better, so what did I do? I ate. How did I feel after I ate?? Too full. What did I do?

I don't plan on this happening again. My eating just got out of control and then I got to a point where I knew what I was doing and how it was going to end, but I didn't stop it.

Feeling The Weight

Today I looked into the mirror after my morning weigh-in and I didn't see any difference in my body. I was feeling a little discouraged, so I decided to try something. I grabbed some meat from the freezer and apparently I had 2.5 pounds of steak tips in there! Feeling the weight in my hands was exactly what I needed. 2.5 pounds may not be a lot, but it's something.

Why You're Not Going to Lose Weight

What she says about starvation mode is one of the reasons why I gained 130 pounds in 10 years. My eating disorders messed up my metabolism and made my body think it was only a matter of time before another starvation period would come.

The first week of this new lifestyle has gone well, but I have one major worry. Am I eating enough? The first couple of days I was never hungry, but that hasn't been true of these last few days. My caloric intake seems a little high for a diet at times. Some days I ate closer to 1600 calories. Hopefully cutting out wheat, caffeine, and refined sugars will help will help.

I pretty much know what I should be eating from all those dietitian sessions my mom paid for when I was anorexic/bulimic, but I have not yet come across an article that has been able to explain to me how much I should be eating. I came across one site that asked me for my body fat percentage and then told me I needed to only eat 1,000 calories a day. I wrote that site off immediately because there is no way that a 1,000 cal/day diet would ever work in the long run.

Any suggestions?

First Week Weigh in!

I reached my goal! It turns out that my calculations were right, but to keep this momentum I will have to change some things. This week I was out of town and didn't even exercise.

Starting weight: 201.4
Current weight: 198
Initial Goal weight: 160




I really like that this week I could still basically eat whatever I wanted. I didn't eat leftover pie every day or go out to eat and have pasta with cream sauce, but I could still go to restaurants like a normal person. I went to Pizza Hut and Olive Garden!

A few things I want to work on next week:

• Cutting out wheat
• Eating a little more protein
• Exercise
• Cutting back on the caffeine
• I want to eat closer to eating 1400 calories- this week some days were pretty close to 1600. My hope is that cutting back on caffeine will help me not feel so hungry. If I am still hungry, I think I might have to stay at 1600 because I don't want my body to go into starvation mode.